Relationship and Dating Advice for Finding Love Online
 

First Contact With An Alien Race


Women are like tricks by sleight of hand,
Which, to admire, we should not understand.
- William Congreve

Most men will agree that women are inexplicable at times. Put simply, men just don't get women when it comes to some things, and chances are good they never will. Doubtless the same applies in reverse. That's fine, though: the secret to starting and maintaining any good relationship is to accept the difference between the sexes and learn to weed through one another's foibles. The same applies to Internet relationships.

Always keep that in mind when making first contact with somebody. Girls will not tolerate the judgments and stupidity of a male, especially online. It's very simple to block a bothersome man and look elsewhere for a potential mate.

You've looked at the girl's portfolio. You have at least a rough idea of what she's like. That much in and of itself gives you advantage over offline pairings: after all, girls don't walk around the city with their private details hanging over their heads in text form. Adapt that knowledge you've gained into how you speak to the girl in question.

There are two ways to approach beginning a conversation. The first is a formal introduction. This can make you seem courteous and respectful, which, depending on the personality of the girl, may well be the way to go. You can then move from the formalities into talking about her and expanding on what you already know about her, not to mention introducing yourself a bit (though be sure to concentrate more on asking her questions rather than boring her with the details of your own life).

The second way is for the more creative among males and should be approached with some caution. Depending on the girl it might drive them off. Most, though, will probably become intrigued by the approach and want to talk to the male even more.

How, you ask?

It's simple: do something weird. Say something strange, and clever, and thoroughly off the wall. Catch the girl off her guard and instantly grab her attention away from anything else she might be doing while talking to you. More often than not conversations will take place on messaging services that allow for customizable names, so if you're at a loss for something to say open with a comment about her name.

Let's look at an example. The girl's display name in this example is '~sharon~ - I_<3_Captain_Kangaaroo'. Not a typical name by any stretch of the imagination, but it's something you can work with.

The key in this case is to find something to break the ice, much like in any offline conversation. Note, in this case, that Kangaroo is misspelled. The Internet is notorious for its typos, so be sure to capitalize on the chance (note that each separate sentence is a new text message in this example):

"Captain Kangaaroo?"

"I do believe that the Captain's name is spelled with ONE a, not two. I demand this be corrected or I will sic the hounds on you, misss."

"I mean miss - Stupid typos. Never mind, I guess I'm nobody to talk LOL."

The girl will hopefully respond to this by laughing at you good-naturedly. One of the easiest ways to get a girl to like you is to make her laugh, whether or not you turn yourself into an object of mild derision to do it. If you pay attention to nothing else in this guide, remember that much: laughter will get you everywhere.

Also note that, though the male in the example made fun of the girl, he did it in such a way that she knew it wasn't a serious insult. Little jabs at a girl are fine, and will probably pique her interest; sharpened barbs, however, will almost certainly turn her off and get you blocked.

After interest has been established be sure to introduce yourself, but having set yourself as the witty type don't fail to intersperse the following conversation with further examples of your wit. If you lead with wit and then drop it from then on she'll get bored. You've only got text to rely on at first, so make every word count.

Regardless of which opener you go for you'll have to keep her attention from that point on. Again, ask her about herself. Get her engaged in her hobbies, and ask if there's any she has that she hasn't listed in her profile. Tell her a few of yours and see if they spark any reaction in her. If they do, seize on the opportunity and take the conversation in different directions. Engrossing a girl in shared interests is the easiest way to keep you fresh in her mind, and that's a staple in establishing some sort of relationship.

With every list of dos there must invariably also come a list of do-nots. Therefore, you should not do any of the following in your first conversation, or in some cases in any later conversations as well:

- Don't pester her for her picture. Not right away, anyway. She needs time to get comfortable with you, and the only way for that trust to develop is to become familiar to her. Given how it's impossible to tell what will happen to a picture transmitted to someone else online, it's no wonder that some girls are wary. Be content with the picture posted on the dating service for the moment and wait for a better opportunity.

- Don't be overly aggressive in your advances. Don't foist demands off on her or, especially right off the bat, request that she become your girlfriend. Trust is again key here, and she's not likely to know enough about you to trust you, let alone like you enough to become your girlfriend, after one conversation.

- Again, don't insult her. Friendly jabs are okay with most girls as long as they're playful rather than malicious.

- Don't attack her interests. If she likes something that you don't, either downplay your critique of that thing or just don't mention it at all. Vehemently standing behind your position and questioning her tastes will get you swiftly blocked in most cases.

- Don't demand her attention. Today's computer users are notorious for their multi-tasking capabilities. As a result you'll likely experience some long delays between chatter, even if the conversation was flowing nicely prior to the stop. The less you pester the better your chances of not being ignored in the future. Conversely, if the conversation is going well without pauses, you'll know that you have her full attention. The faster her messages come the better you're doing.

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