Relationship and Dating Advice for Finding Love Online

Taking the Dating Plunge

Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
- Scott Adams

But HOW do you ask a girl out?

Therein lies one of the most difficult aspects of the entire dating scenario. It is the penultimate factor, the deciding moment where either ultimate victory or crushing defeat is achieved. Therefore, asking a girl out must by necessity be incredibly difficult.

Or so lots of guys think. In reality being turned down by a girl doesn't necessarily mean it's the end of the road for a relationship. Quite often it may mean that the girl's not ready for a more intimate connection, not that she's not interested in you personally.

But let's not discuss failure quite yet, not before you have even tried. But how do you know when the time is indeed right to ask her out? Here are a few signals to look for that she's interested and wants you to go for the gusto:

- She spends a great deal of time talking to you, via whatever means possible. If she blows off real-life friends to talk to you you're certain to have struck a cord with her.

- She gets upset when you go offline. More often than not chat partners accept departure as a necessary evil of the chatting world. If she protests your going offline then she wants to spend more time with you, and probably likes you as more than a friend. Alarm bells should be going off in your head if she insists on talking to you at least once every day, as well.

- She openly chats with you over video. Video chat is a sign of trust. And keep a close eye on her mannerisms when engaged in a video chat with your would-be girl: if she keeps eye contact often, doesn't flit off to do other things, responds promptly to you, plays with her hair and laughs at almost anything you say, you may have something going beyond mere friendship.

More than all this, though, you'll probably just know that she's interested. Such knowledge often comes instinctually, and if it does, the time has come to ask her out.

And the key to successfully netting yourself a girlfriend is just that: timing. You need to wait for an opportune chance to spring the big question and ask her out. It's best to keep the question in reserve until you've caught the girl on a good day. A "good day" should not include any of the following:

- Any kind of disaster on the girl's end. If she's undergoing any kind of crisis on her side of the world, leave the issue alone. Trying to ask her out under such circumstances will almost certainly damage your chances of being accepted later on. Instead look to console her and help her through her trials in any way you can, even if it's only by being there for her and listening to her grievances.

- An alteration in her usual state of mind. Save the question for occasions when she's of a proper mind and can respond honestly. Do not, for example, pop the question when she is drunk. The answer you get then may not be accurate and could create a sticky situation.

- Anger on the girl's side. If she is annoyed or frustrated, don't exacerbate matters. Try to cheer her up, at the very least, before asking her out.

- And, for that matter, anger on your side. Be temperate and calm when asking a girl out. You will increase your chances to date her out if you appear to be rational and clear thinking.

- A public place. Although this is probably commonsense to most men, try to get the girl into some form of private chat before you ask her out. Don't do it in front of friends. This is made all the easier by the very nature of the Internet, where conversations with one person can easily be hidden from another. Keep this in mind for offline dating, as well; asking a girl in front of a crowd can make for a great deal of pressure that may sway her decision in ways unfavorable to your fortunes.

Once you have managed to secure a day where both of you are feeling good, find some activity the both of you enjoy together and get at it. Get her in as good as mood as possible.

Well use games as an example. Let's say that you both enjoy a game wherein you work together to achieve a particular goal, say, annihilating a particularly nasty opponent. After you have successfully managed to oust said opponent and you're both feeling the thrill of success, ask her out. Make it a memorable occasion for both of you.

Remember, do not be pushy or forceful, but also don't back down. Let her know that you're solid in your conviction, and although you'll respect her decision your position on wanting to date her will not change. That conviction may breed some respect for you in her, and at the very least will let her know that you're not somebody who wants to enter the dreaded "friends" zone.

Again, you need to keep in mind that it's not the end of the world if she says no. She may not be ready for a relationship, and if that is the case she will tell you as much. At the very least try and get her to admit her feelings towards you. If she does just consider you a friend and wants to keep it that way, then the game's probably up; but barring that contingency, there's still hope. Continue to let her know from then on that you want to date her, but in a passive, action-oriented sort of way. Keep up the compliments and kind gestures. Knowing that you are romantically interested in her will put a new spin on your kindness in her mind, possibly scoring points for you in the process.

There is also the possibility that the girl needs time to think things over. Such a state of affairs does not necessarily indicate failure: in fact it might even be closer to success. It means the girl has to weigh the pros and cons of becoming your girlfriend for a bit before making any sort of commitment.

Your actions during this time are crucial to your own success. Don't badger her about the situation; just let her think about her response. Don't push her into making a decision or you'll appear to be insensitive to her needs. And if you think the girl has forgotten what you asked her rest assured that she hasn't. She needs time to think.

(That is not to say, of course, that she should be given an infinite amount of time. If she takes more than a few weeks to think it over bring the issue up again with her, if only for your own sanity. If she continues to delay after that then it may not be worth the grief to pursue her any longer.)

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